Maybe I didn’t want the kinds of marriages I was seeing all around me. Maybe I was afraid of being tied to the “wrong person when the right one comes along.” Maybe I hadn’t found someone good enough.
At one point, after I had shared with Joseph my struggles about a certain someone and how I kept on trying to surrender him to the Lord, he strongly encouraged me to write about “how to not fall with feelings.”
“I am always foil when it matters. Lord, I wish that just for once, I could be my first choice’s first choice.”
I started to ask myself, Is that all it is about? To keep on wanting and waiting for something new, different, and more each time? To keep on wanting relief from each moment of life that has become humdrum? Will nothing ever be enough?
The greatest battles that I have ever fought are the issues of my heart: I fall in love easily, stay in love far longer than I should, and get heartbroken more deeply than anyone knows.
“Wow,” he looks at me, amazed. “It was only a few weeks ago that you told us that you didn’t know what you wanted to do. But know it looks like you do know now.”
“Yes,” I look at him, my eyes shining, “I know now.”