It’s been a long while since I have finished writing something. Don’t get me wrong: I now have more than twenty unfinished drafts sitting in my draft folder here in WordPress alone, among many others in my phone, my Mac, and bits of paper tucked into little notebooks or books.
I have figured out over the past many months that this is all due to one thing: me being in a relationship with my best friend.
I know you all know what it’s like to have a best friend. A best friend is, after all, that someone you ring or send a quick message to when something terribly funny or horrible happens. It’s that someone you think of sharing a really funny meme with. It’s that someone you cannot wait to tell about that crazy thing that happened at work, or at the train station, or at the park. It’s that someone you call to ask, “Hey, can I come over?” when you’re bored on a Saturday afternoon. It’s that someone you share everything with, even a new brand of tea you discovered at the grocery.
I used to think that my fiancè Zac had already become my best friend as soon as I had started courting with him. But that isn’t the truth, I can see now. Of course we were always friends; we had been friends for at least a year before the truth all came out that we had been secretly liking and praying for each other. But there was no way we could have been best friends before or at the point we started courting that would have allowed us to be appropriate with each other in God’s eyes. There was just no way that both of us could have become closer than we already were as just friends back then without compromising or playing with either of our hearts.
Evidence has also shown me that Zac and I did not become best friends in a click. That evidence is my writing and blogging. After we had started courting, I still had continued to write: call it a journal, a diary, an outlet, but there were still some things I felt were too special that I wanted to write them up. But the last time I have written something that I thought was precious enough was late 2016–more than six months ago. Those months in late 2016 perhaps was when Zac definitely, truly became my best friend, and since then, whenever I would have a weird point of view about life or understand something spiritual a bit more deeply, I would just wait to talk to Zac and we would talk about everything.
I Corinthians 7:34 goes:
“There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.”
Zac and I aren’t married yet, but now being in this relationship with him for a year and a quarter, I have seen myself slowly but naturally transitioning into that role of wanting to “please my husband.” We’re not even talking about the physical aspect of marriage, but about being able to please him in whatever way I can that still glorifies God. It’s a beautiful thing, and while most of the world, and possibly even most of you, might not agree with our convictions, we are very content and happy to be saving all the physical for marriage.
We had agreed from the beginning that we would “pace out” our relationship together to protect each other’s emotions and to create something to look forward to with each stage of our relationship. Zac first told me he loved me by using the words “I love you” only when he proposed, but before then, I’d already known he did by his actions and by how he treated and spoke to me. I (hopefully) have done the same for him. There is something very special and something deeper in getting to know someone romantically and saying I love you in so many other ways without any touching, and at the beginning, without even any saying.
Life stages are very temporary, but they hand us all different roles in life. As a single woman, I had to learn first to be content in having only God, and then I started asking the question, “Now what…
“Now what can I do for God while I am waiting? How can God use me?”
Only then did God use me to help out some friends who were struggling in the same way that I did. Only then did I start using my blog to help others along. Only then did I become truly content and overjoyed at the life God had given as it was. And only then did God say, “Okay, now you’re ready. Here’s Zac.”
As I slowly started transition into marriage this past year to my beloved best friend, my role in life had also started shifting. My desire is still to please the Lord, but the priorities are now different, the responsibility is now different: while I could minister more to others before, now I am learning to minister more to my future spouse and in a more familial way.
This is not such a bad thing. Marriage is a sacred gift that God had first given to man in the beginning. The Bible tells us further of a wedding of Christ to His Church after the end. Marriage ranks important in God’s scale of things.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven,” Ecclesiastes 3:1 reads. What can you do while you’re in your own season of life? What can you do for God? What can God do through you? Perhaps you’re stuck where you are because you’re not doing what you’re supposed to be doing.
What do you do while you’re where you are?