My Only Satisfaction

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Four months ago, God brought me and a really good friend of mine, Z, together into a courtship (more on this later, Lord willing!). Life became more than full, and joy over the blessings of each other and God’s provision of everything else in my life was overflowing: I also soon had a great job, I had enough financially, and I had a relationship with the person I had secretly been praying about for more than a year. I finally had everything I thought I could possibly ever want. God had given me my heart’s desires, and He had been (and is) good to me.

I forgot one thing, however, again: I forgot how easy it is to forget God. I forgot how easy it is to forget to acknowledge Him in all my ways, as Proverbs 3:6 says. I forgot, and because I forgot, I again got frustrated and incomplete. I started wanting more again despite having everything, and again, I did not know exactly what I was wanting.

God never forgets, however. He never forgets His children, and He never abandons them. He never forgot me. And when I came to Him again in desperation, on bended knee begging for mercy, He reminded me of what I had forgotten.

He made me see that I had been wanting again, wanting more and more and more. He made me truly understand that I was wanting more because I was frustrated at my feeling of incompleteness. He showed me that I was wanting more because I was no longer full, though I already had everything.

How could I have had everything and not be full? How could I still want more when I already had more than I ever had?

Simple: I had made one little mistake. Overwhelmed at everything God had been giving me, I brought my gaze downward to look at everything He had given. In doing so, my eyes got stuck looking at the shine and sparkle: I started gazing too long at the beautiful, good, and precious gifts that He had given.

Now there’s nothing wrong with appreciating His blessings. God gives us beautiful things to appreciate. God gave me these amazing presents to enjoy. But I should have never, in the process, taken my eyes off of Him for too long.

I had let my gaze linger too long on the beauty of my gifts. And although they were all beautiful and good things, they were but things. They would and could never refill themselves. They could never make me continually full. God reminded me that I was wanting more, again, because the things I was looking at, although precious and wonderful, are finite, and will never be enough to satisfy me.

God reminded me that there is only one thing–rather, only one Person that will always satisfy, and it is Him.

And so today I bring my gaze upward again, towards the wonderful face of the Father of lights, from Whom all blessings flow. And may I never forget again, by His grace and mercy, that His Person is still, and will always be, my only satisfaction and fullness.

O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee,
my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is;
To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary.
Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee. 
Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name.
My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips: When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.
Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.
My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.
Psalm 63:1-8

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