A very good girlfriend asked me recently, “Do you think it’s time I should find out for myself whether he is praying for someone else?”
She had been praying for a particular guy–I don’t even know the guy’s name because we agreed I did not need to know–for roughly three years. And she was now wondering whether she should find out.
Out of curiosity. Out of a need to know.
I had to think a few minutes on this. It’s practical and logical for her to find out, I reasoned within myself. It would hurt no one if she just “casually” asked one of their common friends to “casually” ask the guy.
“Maybe.” We reasoned together. “Maybe you should, so that you can stop thinking of it too much and start praying about and focus on other things.”
But that was not the answer, we knew.
“No,” I said after a few minutes of us consumed in the silence of our thoughts.
“I think you should just leave it. Don’t do things to make things happen, especially now.
“It is going to be tougher. It is going to be hard not to ask. But you know what the best thing is about enduring through the pain of not knowing?
“At the end of this road, you will praise God, because only He could have brought you through it. It is going to be more beautiful.
“If you ask around about that guy now, confirm that he is or is not praying about you, sure, it gets you an instant resolution.
“But if you wait on the Lord, you get something more. You will be more joyful at the end. You will go through fire, but you will be more refined.”
And so she resolved to wait, and God did answer about that guy in His time. It doesn’t mean that it was over.
As women we tend to want to get things done as quickly as we can. We want resolution, we want action.
But I am reminded again of a question a favourite author once posed:
“If God does ‘take away the feelings’ (as we so ask), what then would He use to mold and refine me with? What then would He use to glorify Himself with in my life?”
I find it funny– a “sigh” kind of funny, not LOL funny– but comforting that my girlfriend and I are going through the same issues of the heart at the same time.
Most women go through these crises at one point of life, at least. We wonder “When will I get married?” “Am I going to get married?” “Why am I still single?”
Oftentimes, it becomes very tempting to move and “get things done.” I remember talking to my mom about a guy once and she said,
“Fruit is being dangled right in front of your eyes right now. He sounds perfect in every way…
“but he’s not a Christian. That’s how Satan works, and that’s how he tempted Eve, remember.”
It sobered me up and made me think of how it was so easy for me to get caught up. My work colleagues would pester me daily with “Why not?! He is such a nice guy! Give him a chance!”
From their point of view I do think “Why not.” I do have desires and hopes, after all.
But I remember another thing: above being a woman, I am a Christian. I am a follower of Christ.
Elizabeth Elliot, one of my favourite all-time authors, puts it this way:
“The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman.”
It gets tough to wait on God and fully rest and focus on Him. This stage of life is tough, especially with regards to heart issues. I am unsure of a lot of things, and I am weak still, but this one thing I know:
If I let Him, God can and will use all of this to refine my heart.
Take my love! My Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store. -Francis Ridley Havergal