Today I am weak, but He is strong.

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Up until today, every struggle was so easily conquered.

Up until today, I would recognise each trial thrown my way and I would laugh.

Up until today, I would say, “God, thank you for this trial. Next, please!”

Up until today, I could not understand why my Christian girlfriends–friends who grew up with me in church, friends I shared spiritual battles with, friends who prayed for the same things I did–could just go against what we always resolved, could just go and forsake their standards.

Up until today, I didn’t realize the greatness of the temptation that they experienced when they were deciding to start dating, continue dating, and marry those unsaved men.

Up until today, I couldn’t understand why my Christian friends would have ever thought, “He’s such a good man. I’m sure he will get saved.”

Where are they now?

Up until today, I didn’t realize how tight the tug-of-war in a Christian woman’s heart can be: right and wrong, God and self, yes and no, maybe and maybenots.

Up until today, I didn’t ever think that this could ever be my struggle.

Up until today, I was never scared while waiting for the Lord.

Up until today, I felt that I was invincible.

Today, I am confused.

Today, I am weak.

Today, I am overcome with such temptation as I’ve never been tempted with before.

“What could be wrong about a simple little date? Nothing.

But nothing would also be right about it.”

I’ve told myself this hundreds of times before upon every invitation, and every “No” was not so difficult. What makes this time so different? What makes it so heavy?

Today I am glad that I am weak. Because today, only He can be my strength to say no to something that has not even started yet.

Today I am glad that He is here to remind me that in obedience there are multiple blessings.

Today I am glad for His assurance of love.

Today I will go out there and I will say no to myself and yes to God.

Today, and for the rest of my life, I am His.

So help me, Lord, for I am weak.

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